Category Archives: Touch

Pasta Bath!

pasta bath meme

Winter has hit us really hard this winter in Boston. And when we’re stuck indoors, it’s crucial to find new activities to keep the little ones busy, stimulated and giggling.

Enter Pasta Bath.

The idea came from our brilliant friend Tricia, who dumped a pot of spaghetti on her kitchen floor and let her kids swim in it. My husband wasn’t so crazy about the mess, so… the bathtub!

Have you noticed how cheap spaghetti is? We bought a value pack for $3.41 that let us make 4 pounds of spaghetti!

To address the food wasting issue: anyone who has kids knows that wasting materials is inescapable. If you go through a pack of construction paper, you’re wasting trees. If you go through a pack of pasta, you’re wasting wheat. Which has a smaller footprint? If you’re feeling guilty about it, you can match this activity with a contribution to the food bank.

We boiled up the pasta, dumped it in the tub, and let it cool. We brought up some kitchen utensils – nothing too sharp, and led the kids inside.

Squeals of delight! They played, they ate, they squished and scooped.

When the kids were tired of the dry pasta, we added some warm water! They loved being in a pasta bath, pretending they were pasta in a pot, playing with the now slippery smooth and squooshy pasta. I loved it too.

All in all, a fun hour of sensory play and a lifetime of memories via the camera for just $3.41. Not too shabby!

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Miriam KatzMiriam J. Katz is co-author of The Other Baby Book: A Natural Approach to Baby’s First Year, where you can find a guide to safe co-sleeping and other fun tools. Miriam is an intuitive life coach whose passion is to help others overcome internal blocks to living their life purpose. She lives in Boston with her husband and two children.

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4 Things I’ll Do Differently – Preparing for Baby #2

img_6116I’m two weeks away from my due date, anticipating the birth of my second baby. Since becoming a mom, making my way through the first three mystifying years of parenthood, and sorting through mountains of research while co-authoring The Other Baby Book, my perspective has shifted. As a result, so have my decisions. I’ll give you a brief run down of what I plan to change this time around.

1. Birth. We’re preparing a natural home birth, a huge departure from the epidural hospital birth I planned the first time around. After sorting through the data, I found that home births were as safe or safer for healthy moms and babies, and I relish the thought of being surrounded by family and caring midwives who see birth as a empowering natural process. I also value being able to call the shots about how I labor and what happens to my baby immediately after birth.

2. Sleep. The first time around, I famously said that the baby would sleep in her crib, in her own room from day 1. I had all sorts of illegitimate fears about how bringing a baby into my bedroom might negatively impact my marriage, and misconceptions about healthy and appropriate sleep environments for newborns. This time we have a co-sleeper on hand, but we now know that the best way to optimize sleep and care for our baby will be to bring him/her safely into our bed from the start. (For a safe bed-sharing checklist, click here.)

3. Diapers. The first time around, I was afraid of the stigma and workload involved in cloth diapering. We used disposables for the first 4-5 months, though we pottied our baby beginning in her first week of life. This time around, I plan to use cloth from the beginning, and to be a bit more pro-active about pottying the baby both at night and when out on the town. With a 3 year old who’s very nurturing and attuned, I’m hoping that my little helper can help me keep our baby attuned to his/her pottying needs.

4. Baby Wearing. The first time around, I was terrified of putting my newborn in a carrier, and spent many hours holding her and sitting. With an active toddler to care for, this time around I’m planning to make a lightweight cotton wrap that I can use to tote the baby to all our activities. I’ve learned that there’s little cause for shlepping those heavy carseats everywhere, that the freer my hands are and the closer my baby is to me and to milk, the happier we all will be.

Why babies don’t “behave”

Have you ever had someone comment to you how “well-behaved” your baby is? If not, don’t worry, just read on.

This compliment reflects a pervasive Western misconception about how babies function. Have you ever met an under-one-year-old who understood what society expected of him and adjusted his behavior to accomodate those expectations? I haven’t.

I was among the lucky parents who was approached by strangers who commented on my baby’s “good behavior” (as opposed to those parents who received seething glares from fellow diners at a restaurant – although, believe me, we got those, too). But I deflected every compliment with a comment on my baby’s state of mind, like, “her tummy’s full and she’s satisfied” or “she’s well-rested.”

Every parent who’s been there knows that it’s impossible to control your baby’s behavior. The best effort we can make to ensure that our baby reflects the contentment and joy we associate with “good” behavior is to anticipate and meet his needs, as well as we can.

My baby was “well-behaved” because her needs were met. She had trouble sleeping alone, so I cuddled her to sleep. She often wanted to nurse, and I met her requests as quickly as possible. She preferred being held to sitting in a carseat, so we carried her in arms or in an ergo most of her first year and well into her second.

Was my baby responsible for regulating her internal state to please strangers in restaurants and supermarkets? No. Her parents were. And believe me, we weren’t thinking about those strangers when we were doing it.

We didn’t do a perfect job, if such a thing exists, but we did the best we could. And she let us know instantly how well we were doing. And so, I guess, did all those strangers.

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Miriam is a work from home mama who literally can’t stop kissing Dalia, her delicious 2 year old. Miriam’s other loves are her husband Misha, and escaping the Boston winters with friends and family in Israel. She loves reading parenting books, lunchtime yoga classes, crafting and helping others find their purpose through life coaching.

A Peek Into the Past: Touching Our Babies

Once upon a time, Miriam and I wrote a book. And in that book, we had over 400 pages of material. Our vision, however, was to give new and expecting moms a nursing companion–a book they could hold in one hand. So we snipped. And trimmed. And cut. It’s hard to say no to hundreds of hours of work, but thankfully, all’s not entirely lost. We’re bringing you some of our largest unseen sections from TOBB, in a series of blog posts.

A Peek into the Past” is a pithy round-up of our societal evolution of parenting practices, mostly in the U.S. You’ll learn about the history of birth, breastfeeding, potty training, co-sleeping and more–eight posts for our eight chapters. Enjoy, ask questions, and share with friends! ~Megan

Touch, Hold, Carry, Wear

Touch has long been instinctively understood by mothers as one of the most important baby care tools. Holding babies close with fabric or woven carriers, served the dual purpose of enabling moms to continue their daily work, and meeting babies’ needs for physical closeness. Baby carriers have likely been used since the beginning of time. Some of the earliest images come from Egypt during the rule of the Pharoahs.

In the U.S., there were two major styles of babywearing in the 1800s. Native Americans wore babies on their backs in cradleboard carriers made from wood or natural fibers, padded with animal fur or moss. European immigrants often used shawls, bedsheets, or traditional carriers from their native cultures. But as the century wore on, and hostility between the first Americans and immigrants grew, scientists and doctors dubbed native practices outdated and uncivilized. Not surprisingly, most European settlers shunned the practice of babywearing altogether. Intellectuals sought to create a “smarter,” more efficient way to raise babies.

The Demonization of Touch

In the late 1800s, American child-rearing literature began reflecting now-familiar fears of “spoiling” babies through physical touch and soothing. The first stage of attack was launched against the cradle, the nearly extinct cozy predecessor to the crib. Dr. Luther Emmett Holt, a man described as cold, efficient, and never having said “good morning” to his secretary, helped overthrow the practice of soothing through rocking by calling it an “unnecessary and vicious practice” in his bestselling guide The Care and Feeding of Children.

Times change, trends change. People used carriers, then cradles, then cribs. No problem, right? And yet the ideas that shaped these arms-length baby-rearing trends were actually dangerous. During the 1800s, more than half of American-born infants died before their first birthday, due to a disease called marasmus, which means “wasting away,” also known as infant atrophy. As the movement against “spoiling” babies through touch picked up speed, in the 1920s, almost 100% of institutionalized infants died before their first birthday. The implications? Without touch, babies were literally left to waste away. Sounds like the very definition of spoiling.

In 1915, a chilling report on children’s institutions in ten American cities revealed that in nine out of the ten institutions, every single infant under the age of two died. Seeking to slow this epidemic, Dr. Fritz Talbot of Boston visited a clinic with low death rates in pre-WWI Germany.

“The wards were very neat and tidy, but what piqued Dr. Talbot’s curiosity was the sight of a fat old woman who was carrying a very measly baby on her hip. ‘Who’s that?’ inquired Dr. Talbot. ‘Oh, that is Old Anna. When we have done everything we can medically for a baby, and it is still not doing well, we turn it over to Old Anna, and she is always successful.”[i]

Enter John Watson, the father of behavioral psychology, who sought to “condition and control the emotions of human subjects.”  (Watson, Muskingum 2004) For those whose babies made it past infancy, he shared some solemn parenting advice in his 1928 book ironically titled Psychological Care of Infant and Child:

“There is a sensible way of treating children… Never hug and kiss them, never let them sit in your lap. If you must, kiss them once on the forehead when they say good night. Shake hands with them in the morning. Give them a pat of the head if they have made an extraordinarily good job of a difficult task. Try it out. In a week’s time you will find how easy it is to be perfectly objective with your child and at the same time kindly. You will be utterly ashamed of the mawkish, sentimental way you have been handling it.”

As you might imagine, Watson had a poor relationship with his children. Despite his unchecked parenting credentials, Watson’s book was hailed as a “godsend” and a must-have for “intelligent” mothers. His work launched a major trend, as described in Touching.

“This … approach to child-rearing greatly influenced … pediatric thinking and practice. Pediatricians advised parents to maintain a sophisticated aloofness from their children, keeping them at arm’s length, and managing them on a schedule characterized by both objectivity and regularity. They were to be fed by the clock, not on demand, and only at definite and regular times. If they cried during the intervals of three or four hours between feedings, they were to be allowed to do so until the clock announced the next feeding time. During such intervals of crying they were not to be picked up, since if one yielded to such weak impulses the child would be spoiled, and thereafter every time he desired something he would cry. And so millions of mothers sat and cried along with their babies, and, as genuinely loving mothers obedient to the best thinking on the subject, bravely resisted the “animal impulse” to pick them up and comfort them in their arms. Most mothers felt that this could not be right, but who were they to argue with the authorities?”

In addition to cradles, which were “vicious” in their ease of calming babies, shawls and wraps used for babywearing went into serious decline around 1920, when relatively lightweight strollers were mass produced at a price most Western families could afford. As popular culture’s infant authorities advocated a movement away from “spoiling” babies with too much affection, strollers conveniently filled the niche of reducing babies’ time in arms.

As the 1960s counterculture movement took off, the return to a gentler, more compassionate form of parenting began. The next generation of white, male doctors stepped in as baby experts, espousing slightly more hands-on care methods. 

The Game Changer

Pediatrician Dr. William Sears, who coined the term “Attachment Parenting” and launched the associated movement in the 1980s, helped Westerners reclaim compassionate baby-rearing practices including responsive soothing, consistent holding and babywearing.

Meanwhile, Sears’ pediatric colleagues have made slow but steady movements toward more responsive parenting. It’s no longer taboo to pick up a crying baby during the day; however, many nighttime attitudes still reflect those of the late 1800s. As often happens, yesterday’s tools have been retranslated to suit modern concerns. Our societal fears of spoiling the baby have been repackaged to reflect today’s concerns for mom’s independence.

We’re all for independence. But during those early, crucial months, our babies literally teach us how to parent. So strapping your wee one to your chest instead of resting him at your feet in his carseat is a great way to keep your hands free and your loved one close. Touch is a gift, for baby and parent alike.

Want to read more? Check out The Other Baby Book on Kindle or in paperback. 

What do you think? Is it becoming more socially acceptable to keep in close physical contact with your baby, whether carrying in arms or in a carrier? Or are strollers, and baby “buckets,” like carseats, bouncy seats, and cribs more prevalent than ever?

 


[i] Montagu, Ashley. Touching. New York: Harper & Row, 1986.

NonPetroleum Jelly

Photo credit: D. Kuster 2009

This is the only balm that you will ever need.

I wish that I could tell you that this is my recipe. It’s not. Instead, it is one of the ingenious concoctions of Annie Berthold-Bond (www.anniebbond.com), a best-selling author of five green living books. I came across her book, Better Basics for the Home, while I was registering for our baby shower. I instantly ordered it. It was one of the best $13 I have ever spent. It is truly a labor of love.

I made a batch of NonPetroleum Jelly when our daughter had a bout of severely dry skin at the beginning of Winter. Other lotions and creams wouldn’t touch it. NonPetroluem Jelly did the trick after one application. Safe, effective, and cheap…we had pretty much hit the jackpot. Over the course of using the first batch, my husband and I started using it on ourselves as well. We used in on our faces, lips, body, scars, cuts, dry patches, bug bites. It seemed to work on anything. I like to think of it akin to Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. This balm nourishes through olive oil, protects through beeswax, and preserves through grapefruit seed extract. Try it!

NonPetroleum Jelly by Annie Berthold-Bond

2 ounces olive oil (more oil to make it less thick)

1/2 ounce beeswax

12 drops grapefruit seed extract

Combine the oil and beeswax in a double broiler and place over medium heat until the wax is melted. Remove from heat, add the grapefruit seed extract, and mix with the hand or electric mixer until creamy.

Prep time: 25 minutes

Shelf Life: 1 year

Storage: Glass jar with a screw top

If you are not sure about using the grapefuit seed extract, this is a natural preservative. Add it if you plan on storing the balm for a long time, as the oil can go rancid. I have never used it because the batches that I make never hang around more than a few weeks.

For fun, let’s do a price breakdown! For my balm I use Trader Joe’s Spanish Extra Virgin Olive Oil (33.8 fl oz for $5.99), a block on beeswax from Joann’s Fabrics and Crafts (1 lb for $6.99 after coupon). The ingredients for one batch of NonPetroleum Jelly costs: $0.35 for the olive oil + $0.21 for the beeswax for a Grand Total of $0.56. Not bad! If we add in the cost of 12 drops of grapefruit seed extract we would add on approximately $0.03.

Choose your favorite ingredients and start mixing!

Stephanie loves making her own skincare products, not only because they are better for her skin-type, but also because she is a total cheapo.

Moby Giveaway!

 

Anabella, 3 days old

I recently asked a group of moms what their most valuable resources were during the first days of their baby’s life. I heard everything from newspapers to breastfeeding pillows; text messaging to home cooked meals. For me, it was the Moby.

Anabella lived in an organic purple Moby wrap for the first three months of her life. She fell asleep in the Moby, she saw the beach in the Moby, and she went to two weddings and three different states in the Moby.

I loved being able to kiss her head at any time

Although I never did manage to get Mark to try it on (could it have been the purple?), he agrees: it was indispensable. We’re not unique though. Using fabric or other materials to hold babies close to your body while freeing up your hands – “baby-wearing” – has been around since…well, since babies have!

Recent research proves what parents have known instinctively for years – babies are more content when snuggled close to their mother, especially during that “fourth trimester,” the three months after their birth. According to a study published in the journal Pediatrics, increased carrying leads to 43% less crying on average and 54% less crying during the evening hours!

I can whole-heartedly confirm this. I often couldn’t get my Moby wrap on fast enough in the mornings, and Anabella fell asleep snuggled close in the wrap. Admittedly, the Moby is a lot of fabric, but I liked how secure Anabella was compared to some other carriers I tried. Also, the fabric is so soft. Not only is there nothing between you and the baby, but there aren’t any metal or plastic rings or snaps to deal with. Just 100% cotton!

Moby is generously giving away one wrap from their original or moderns collection. Head over there now and choose your favorite wrap! Already have a Moby? They also make great gifts for expecting moms.

The rules:

Please remember to leave separate comments for each entry. There are a total of six possible entries.

1. The contest ends on Sunday, March 20th at 5pm.

2. Mandatory: You must visit Moby’s site, and then leave a comment below with the color and style of your choice from the Original or Moderns Collections.

3. One extra entry: “Like” us on Facebook and leave a comment below. (If you already like us, just let us know in a separate comment!)

4. One extra entry: Share this link as your Facebook status.

5. One extra entry: Follow us on Twitter, @otherbabybook and tweet this post.

6. One extra entry: Subscribe to The Other Baby Blog.

7. One extra entry: “Like” Moby Wrap on Facebook.

Happy Wearing!

http://www.bloggiveawaydirectory.com/